Dear Joan,

Remember when you asked 
what I would do 
in case it wouldn't last? 
I told you 
it feels like
the most unreal thing
in the world, 
I was so deeply in love with him.  

I'm very sad to tell you now, 
that unreal became real. 
Love isn't enough, 
when people are too different. 
Still it feels wrong, 
even when it's right. 
Heart wants to, 
but head knows it cannot. 

I feel my heart 
struggling in my chest, 
to come out 
and scream 
"It's not right!"
It's getting harder,
to hear my thoughts
through that struggle.  

Late in the evening
I feel 
I'd just want to
run away with him.
Hoping maybe 
somewhere else
we could be together,
accepting each other.

"But I don't know", 
says my head.
Is head allowed to argue
a matter of the heart?  
My heart is screaming
for justice, 
it's longing for the one
that makes it whole.

Longing 
is getting stronger. 
My reasoning 
is lost 
in a sea of love, 
and, Joan, I know 
I am still 
so deeply in love with him. 

Henna